Two years ago, Christopher and I started a Beijing life together. He moved here after 5 months of us getting to know each other long distance, and we found apartments so close to each other (and close to where I worked), I had breakfast at his place every morning before going to work.

A year ago, he left Beijing and started graduate school and setting up what would be our California life together, but had to do it solo for 9 months, returning for a quick visit every 3 months until mid-June when he returned to Beijing for a 3-month summer to study Chinese.

Now a year later, he’s left again. Back to school, back to all work and no play. Back to writing in my blog for me, and back to Skype for us.

The 3 months that we had together were more than enough to create countless memories to treasure for a lifetime. A quick list doesn’t do it justice, but just so there is a record, here are the highlights:

Christopher hurried back to Beijing just for my birthday, and made it just in time, despite getting delayed in California and missing a connecting flight. Best birthday gift, ever.

I got re-proposed to by a bench on the river-front by my apartment just after he got in. He couldn’t wait till past midnight for my birthday to give me a new engagement ring in replacement for the one I’d lost a few months back – it was too big. The ring is one we’re both much happier with – it is *perfect*. We had to resize the new engagement ring- that, too, was too big. There is a scar, but it was worth it. Apparently I am smaller than a size 4. No fear of losing this ring ever again.

We hung out with my brother Han and my sister Su when they visited. It’s just wonderful to have family here with me. It was so empty after they left. I still wish they were here all the time.

Christopher has improved his Chinese greatly. He is now able to construct longer sentences, both in writing and in speaking and convey more complex thoughts. There’s been a huge increase of functional vocabulary and he can function just fine if completely immersed in Chinese. I wish I could’ve been a more patient teacher and spent more time speaking to him in Mandarin, but I really am proud of how far his Chinese has come. He’s really worked hard on it.

On our one week holiday overlap, took a trip to amazingly beautiful Krabi, Thailand. Walked and swam at some of the most pristine beaches in the world. Weather was perfect from day 2, even though it was rainy season. He’d been there backpacking a few months before we started dating. It was very special being taken to a place that was his and sharing that place so that it’s become ours.

He/I/We moved. We found him a good 3-bedroom condominium to stay in while he was here, and now that he’s gone, I’m taking over the lease. Nicest apartment I’ve ever lived in. Discovering a slightly new neighborhood together and having a new place both of us claim has been a really fun experience. I’ll miss my roommates and living in a Chinese apartment (and paying close to nothing for rent) but I still visit (it really feels like going back to visit your family after moving out). I love moving and am grateful for being able to create new experiences.

We’ve spent lots of money on updating our electronics this summer. It’s a very materialistic note, but this is the first time I’ve actually spent money on things that are nice *and* brand new. It’s an important experience, they were right. In one summer, we’ve ended up both with iphones (I inherited his 1st gen and we got him a spanking new 3GS), me with a brand new (pink) MacBook, and strangely, the point and shoot camera that I chose to buy wasn’t the cheapest good one, but the very latest Canon that was just released. Christopher’s preference for quality over affordability has really, really rubbed off on me, it seems.

Above all, we’ve really enjoyed sharing a hobby: board gaming. We played lots and lots and lots of boardgames together and I was able to share with him a few games that I’d discovered while he was away, and we discovered so many new favorite board games together. Thanks to Christopher, I’ve finally discovered the joy of playing a game so many times that I know it well enough to have a winning strategy, and despite playing so often, find myself wanting to play more. Usually, I’m all about learning something new, but Christopher has truly taught me the joy of repetition and mastery. He’s also put up with me being a really sore loser every time. It’s so wonderful sharing this hobby with Christopher. Board gaming is such a natural hobby to Christopher that I’m surprised to have been the one to have introduced him to more than Risk. He really kicks my trash at games, and while it can get painful losing certain games to him every time, I really appreciate being with someone so much smarter than I am, and it makes the occasions where I keep up with him and even beat him at a game or two so much more rewarding. The honest truth is that I’d probably lose a little respect for him if I beat him at games more consistently than he beat me. There’s just something very attractive about being with a guy who makes decisions better than I do. Even more rewarding, though, is discovering that we actually even mostly like the same types of games. Games that most of our friends aren’t interested in, unfortunately. While he is gone, I am going to have to re-discover the joy of more accessible gateway games or playing online.

The 3 months really flew by. 3 months is more than I would ever dare ask for, but I’m greedy, it just doesn’t seem enough. In the time that he was here, I ended one school year, had summer vacation and started another school year. It was long enough for us to have a daily-life routine and be able to temporarily forget about it being a temp setup. Long enough to get so comfortable around each other we’d even have little squabbles. It’s very different from just having him for 1 week of vacation.

He left this morning. I hate having to do a tearful airport goodbye every 3 months. You’d think I’d be used to it by now. In all honesty, though, if given the choice between crying and not crying when he goes, I’ll choose the crying. I think for me, the sadness is my way of reaffirming the value of what I’ve lost. I miss him so very terribly. So for now, I’ll allow myself to feel sad, and feel every little bit of the emptiness that is settling in with a plan at the back of my mind to fill in the spaces until he returns.

The confusing thing about it is trying to figure what “normal” is. This long-distance life that we’re reverting to isn’t new. We’ve done it for most of the last year. The routine is familiar, charted territory. In many ways, I feel like now that he is gone, I just have to flick a switch as soon as I’m ready and return to Faye-without-Christopher mode. But having him home was the most natural thing in the world. That was “real life” to me. That’s what should be the norm, and this, this distance should be the exception. When he visits again, even though he is home, it usually isn’t long enough to settle into any kind of daily life routine. Acceptance is essential to being happy, and I can’t live my life waiting 3 months for things to return to semi-normal for a week or two. So the battle now is learning not to question the decision, to find ways to enjoy the manna I’ve been blessed with day-to-day, and fighting not to make everyday just about waiting for him to come home again.

Heavenly Father always blesses me with new friends and interesting experiences and despite the freshness of the loneliness I feel now, there is an undercurrent of peace. Strangely, the fear of misery that I had experienced before is absent now.

Now, I wait until we can find comfort in the routines we’d set up before: Skyping the first thing in the morning for him, and the last thing at night for me. Reading scriptures over the internet. Playing games on Brettspielwelt. Using my Skype phone every lunch break.

There is so much to be grateful for.